The Dream Birth of Amber

I kept waking up during the night (Tuesday April 13) as I had a terrible cough. At around 1:45am, my son Ethan woke up and Ian looked after him. About 10 minutes later I started having contractions. They were mildly uncomfortable. I was a bit in denial as it was ten days early and I have had this horrible cough for four days. I thought that the contractions would just go away and I would fall back to sleep. About ten minutes later I called out for Ian and told him that this is it. I had a pile of pillows on the bed and I was leaning over them on all fours. I also tried leaning over a birth ball, but I found it too cold and uncomfortable. I went to the toilet with Ian and had diarrhea.

My contractions were about every 5 minutes lasting a minute. Ian was getting concerned and asked me if I thought we should call Melody. I said ok. He called her at around 3:50am and told her what had been going on. Melody asked to speak to me. I was able to speak to her between the contractions. She said she was going to come over. Ian suggested we should go downstairs and have a cup of tea. I said ok, as I thought I would just try to carry on as normal. I did not know what I was thinking. I said I needed to use the toilet again. I felt as if I was going to poo again. I sat on the toilet, but nothing happened. As soon as I stood up another contraction came and I had to go on all fours, I felt my waters break. I could see that there was blood in it. Ian and I panicked for a moment. He asked me if we should call an ambulance. I said yes and then I came to my senses and realized that a bit of blood was normal.

After my water broke I felt as if I was ready to push, but I did not want to do anything until Melody arrived. Ian paged her to tell her that my waters broke and there was a bit of blood. She said she would be over shortly. I asked Ian to put a stack of pillows on the floor against the wall so I could lean on them. I asked him for a pillow for under my knees. He had just bought kneepads so I could do some crawling to help the baby get into a good position. He asked me if I would like to wear the kneepads. I said "JUST GET THE PILLOW!!!!!!". I don't know how he ever thought I could get kneepads on. I found that being on all four was the only way I could deal with the pain. At the same time Ethan was calling out for Ian. Ian was looking after the two of us. Ethan was happy to watch TV and play with his toys. We had some new toys for him, just in case he did wake up in the night. I wanted Ian to stay with me. I found if he put his hand on my stomach during the contractions, it helped a lot.

Melody arrived at around 4:30am. I told her I needed help and that I was scared. She told me that I was doing well. I remember saying that I felt as if I was going to die and did not want to go on. She did an examination and told me I was fully dilated. Her words that I remember are "there is no cervix there, your baby is going to be born soon". I was so happy and wanted her to tell Ian when he came back upstairs, as he was looking after Ethan. The reality sunk in that I was really going to do this. I remember Melody asking Ian for certain things to prepare for the birth. She needed some lighting. He was going to get candles, but I did not want him to go. I said I did not care if they put the bedroom lights on. I did not care about anything at that point. There was nothing that distracted me. During the contraction, I would look at the plant on the floor and focus on it, or I had my head in the pillow. It is difficult to explain how I felt at that moment, at times I felt as if I was not really there.

I was on all 4 for about a half an hour trying to push. Melody suggested we move to the toilet so I could be upright. During the contractions I stood up and pushed and then I would sit on the toilet and rest. Melody put a hot compress on my perineum as to help avoid tearing. My son Ethan was calling Ian. Ethan said he wanted to come upstairs. Ian asked me if I minded if Ethan was there. I told him I did not care. Ethan was standing by the door of the bathroom. He was now watching it all and stayed to watch the birth.

I stood up and I could feel the head coming out. I sat on the toilet again and then I stood up and this time I pushed her head out. I waited for the next contraction and I pushed and the baby was born. It was such a strange sensation when her body came out. It seemed to happen with such ease once the head was out. I looked at my husband he was crying and he said to me you did it. I sat on the toilet at this point as my legs felt like jelly. Melody just lifted her to me and put a towel around us both. I just could not believe it. Melody said to me that she wanted to put a bowl in the toilet to catch the placenta, as she was saying that my placenta fell out into the toilet. Ian cut the cord as the placenta stopped pulsating, as it was in the toilet. I still did not know if it was a boy or girl. I looked and saw it was a girl, but I had to check a few minutes later, just to make sure.

Eventually, we moved to the bedroom and sat on the bed. I put her to my breast and she latched on immediately. A bit later Melody examined me and I had no tears. Ian looked at me and said that he really saw my strength today.

I felt the whole experience very empowering and healing. It felt like some out of body experience. At times I felt as if I was a spectator at the birth. I am grateful for my husband and Melody and felt I could not have done it without them. I felt very safe with them and also being at home. I was also grateful that my son Ethan got to watch the birth. In a way I felt his presence healing for both of us, as he was born by a cesarean section. The labour was 3 hours and 33 minutes. For a while afterwards I felt as if it had all been a dream. Before I only imagined in my dreams that I would have such a straightforward and beautiful birth experience.